My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize