I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
