How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
