I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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