Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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