I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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