Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
