I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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