you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
