I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
