We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
