if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
