I puked a lego.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
