i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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