After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
