Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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