all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
