He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
