Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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