you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
