I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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