She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
