once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
