dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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