The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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