So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
