They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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