I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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