Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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