What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
