I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
