another moral hangover. fuck.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
