My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
