I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
