today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I intend to get homeless drunk
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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