it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
