Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
