just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
