when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
