Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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