Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
