we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
