Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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