i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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