My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
