i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
