Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
