Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
