My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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