Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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