What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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