How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
