Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
