fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
