cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
