dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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